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One Phrase to Melt a Man’s Heart.

There is a quote by Richard Bach, “We teach best what we most need to learn”. I suspect it may be equally true that we write about issues most important in our lives. Let’s use the story of Kelvin.

He grew up as the only child in a single-parent family. His father was gone by the time he was five years old. His mother had to go out and work and he was left alone a lot of the time. His main friends and companions were the imaginary friends that he turned to for comfort, love, and understanding.
Kelvin began writing stories at an early age and as an adult, writing has become his passion. It’s the way he have made sense of her world and addressed the issues that are most important to him.

The additional benefit of writing is that i get immediate feedback from people. When I open myself up and share my deepest truths and experience, it feels wonderful to hear from people who share their own stories.
So I guess it only makes sense that the lessons I have learned through my relationships are the ones I most often share. Growing in loads of relationships, I have learned a lot about myself and how I want to be loved. These six things are a few of my favorite things that i’d recommend to woman/ladies melt and sooth the heart of their men. Still using the story of Kelvin;

Phrase to Melt a Man’s Heart.

1. I love it when you see, hear, and feel me:

Both Carlin and Kelvin have been married twice before and they both realize that it’s difficult for one person to walk in the shoes of another. Men and women may not come from two separate planets, but our brains are different, our hormones are different, and the very cells in our bodies are different. Of course, there are many things we share, but it’s the differences that often end up making us feel alone. Feeling that your partner “gets you” is one of the greatest gifts they can ever receive. He feel seen, heard, and emotionally connected to Carlin. She’s worked hard to understand him and his world, and it feels wonderful to have a woman who really wants to know him fully.

2. I love it when you accept me as I am and don’t try and change me:

There is a lot about Kelvin that is difficult to live with. He’s had his share of childhood wounds: His father was away because he had tried to kill himself, and he suffered the loss of his presence and the feared that he would follow in his footsteps. As an adult, Kelvin have had to deal with depression and bipolar disorder. When he would get manic, he would become irritable, angry, and hard to live with. When he would get depressed, he would become sullen, clingy, and difficult to live with. Carlin, his wife has her own wounds and emotional challenges. But he’s never felt that Carlin wanted him to be different than he is. She isn’t perfect in her support of him, no one is, but she gives him constant validation that who he is, is okay with her, even when he’s a bear to live with.

Phrase to Melt a Man’s Heart.
Phrase to Melt a Man’s Heart.

3. I love it when you take care of yourself and believe that I can take care of myself:

It would often drive Kelvin crazy when Carlin would take care of herself instead of doing something be wanted. “I can’t go with you today,” she would tell him. “I need time to myself.” When he felt down and needy, he hungered for her to drop everything and respond to his needs. But Carlin knew herself well enough to know that she needed to first take care of herself. She could be more supportive of him if she was good to herself. Kelvin learned to love that quality because it also allowed him to take care of his own needs. Rather than creating two people who were so independent they lived in their own separate worlds, it has created two whole human beings who care for themselves and then have a lot to give to their partner.

4. I love it when you hold me when I need nurturing, without making me feel unmanly:

One of the greatest gifts Kelvin get from Carlin is that she allows him to be vulnerable and unsure as well as strong and decisive. For most of his life, he’s felt he had to be “manly and strong”, which meant that he couldn’t show weakness or vulnerability. But there are times when he felt like the world was just too much for him. He wanted to be able to curl up in his wife’s arms and let her hold him. In past relationships, the women were as afraid of his showing weakness as he was. But Carlin was different. She let him be weak and nurtured him without making him feel like a wimp. He’s never felt more alive than when he could allow himself to “fall apart” and know his wife was not freaked out and was there for him.

Phrase to Melt a Man’s Heart.
Phrase to Melt a Man’s Heart.

5. I love it when you encourage my vulnerability without shaming me:

Kelvin can’t tell you how many times he have had women tell him, “I feel like I have three children in the house and only two of them are underage. I want a man, and he acts like a little boy.” He’s felt the shame of statements like those many times in previous relationships. In fact, one of the strongest memories he have growing up was hearing his mother and a group of her women friends talking about their husbands. A number of the men, including his father, were out of work, and the women talked about them as though they were not “real men”.
“Henry is out all day, but he never brings anything home. He says he’s looking for work, but he’s got nothing to show for it,” one of the women said. Another shook her head and told the group, “It’s even worse with my husband. He’s at home all the time and it’s like having another child constantly underfoot.”
He remember hearing these words as a four-year-old and making a vow that he would never let a woman talk about him like that. “I’ll die first. If it kills me, I’ll never be out of work.” Well, he’s been working since he was nine years old. When he lost his job a number of years ago, he fell into a deep depression that almost did kill him. Carlin understands that being a man is about both strength and weakness and she supports both in him. She never shames him for being weak, confused, or uncertain. She respects and loves him for being him. Thank you, thank you, thank you, my love.

6. I love it when you want me to be your lover, not your hero:

Kelvin grew up, like most boys, with visions of being someone’s hero. He wanted to slay dragons, rescue damsels in distress. Why? Well, first he thought that’s what you needed to do to be a man. Second, he believed that in order to be loved by the woman of his dreams he had to become a hero. That meant that he had to take great risks, put himself in danger, and show her that he fight anyone who threatened her or disrespected her.
Over the years, there never really was a time where her life was truly in danger and he was asked to step forward and be the hero to rescue her. There where a whole lot of times where her did dumb things to demonstrate he was manly. That often involved confronting other men who he thought were paying too much attention to her. Rather than being loved more for stepping in to defend her honor, she resented both his intrusion and the implied belief that she couldn’t take care of herself.
But there was a day, following a heroic gesture, when she turned to him, gave a kiss and told him, “You don’t have to be my hero, just be my lover.” Something melted in Kelvin. It was the old “act like a man” box where he felt he had to do manly things in order to be accepted. With her words, it melted away.

Phrase to Melt a Man’s Heart.

Being a lover is so much healthier, more honorable, and manlier than our movie image of the hero. Usually, the hero is a “badass” who is aggressive and violent. Lovers can be soft and gentle, but they can also bring tough love, can stand up for what is right, and defend those who are vulnerable. The world needs more courageous lovers and fewer insecure heroes

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