I am a guy in my early 30s and married for 4yrs and have a daughter who is 3yrs old with my wife. And we were happily married until a certain guy came to do his national service at her work place in 2020 – 2021. During those times whenever she comes home from work she will be talking about that guy but I thought it was normal until before vals-day 2021, I overheard her trying to buy a present for me and also buying that same type of present for another guy which turned out to be this guy. I asked her about it and she denied it until about 3months later she told me it was that guy she purchased the present for.
On the guy’s birthday that same year she organised a party for him and used her own money for that with the support of some few friends. Meanwhile on my birthday that same year, I didn’t receive even a message from her. She posted my picture on her status and selected “only share with” and selected my number. So that I will know that she has posted my picture which was just a camouflage. I confirmed it from a friend’s phone where I could see the picture from my phone but when I view her status from my friend’s phone there was no status. I even taught she has deleted my friend’s contact from her phone till the next day when she posted someone’s picture and I can view it from my phone and my friend’s phone. (She doesn’t know I know of this because I never told her, because she’ll tell me it’s not true when I confront her).
I was with her at home two months after that incident and she told me her lady friend – Vida, (whom I know) want to take her out which I even encouraged her to go with her, so she swapped her phone with mine since she had already informed Vida that her phone was faulty (which was not true). So she called Vida which I saw the number she called and she walked away from me and spoke with her. Then she prepared and left to meet her, later that day I was going through her whatsapp chat since the phone was with me and I saw that the person she went out with was that same guy and not Vida and that she has changed the name of the guys number and replaced it with the name Vida.
So I called Vida’s number which I was already having and asked their where about and she said she’s not with her and that she’ll call her and ask her to call me. She later called me and I asked her to come home from wherever she was and she said she’s at a beach which was about 200km from where we were staying, and to my surprize she came home at 10pm and was dropped by Vida with the guy’s car. I confronted her and she denied going out with the guy and even claimed that the guy has completed his service and has left that Region to a different Region in Ghana 2weeks earlier (I did not know the guy’s car as at that time).
So I spoke to her about it that night for more than 2hrs. (Note; I am coming from a broken-home and that home was broken because of cheating and domestic violence and I went through a lot growing up because of that, so it was at my tender age I vowed never to cheat or engage in any domestic violence, so for me no matter what a woman do to me I can’t hit her and I can’t cheat too because it’s a promise I have to keep. That’s why I only spoke with her).
The very next day she whatsapp the guy and asked him to pick her at work and take her to lunch. I read their message because I hacked the phone the previous day to confirm if she truly went with the guy to the beach the previous day, and she saw that I was reading their chat and disconnected me. And then she also stopped going to the lunch with him but the guy dropped her at the house that day and that was when I realised that the car Vida used to drop her the previous day was the guy’s car because that was the same car the guy came home to drop her with.
To cut it short, one thing led to another and she saw that I was leaving her so she blocked the guy and stopped communicating with her and later, her phone was stolen in January this year.
Now the problem is, I got her a new phone one month ago and the last time I checked her phone, she has saved the guy’s number on it again with the name “DANWURA” which means (Landlord), mind you we live in a rented apartment. And on her birthday which was last weekend she muted the guy’s number on whatsapp because I was with her during that time (I work in another region and she lives in a different region and I go there every 2weeks) which means any update of status or message from the guy will not appear on her phone. Which to me, it means she’s keeping in touch with the guy secretly and this can bring a huge problem to my marriage.
Now I don’t know what to do anymore, because whenever I speak with her concerning these things, she will deny it with swearing and cursing and will tell me to provide evidence. And when I provide evidences with screenshot and images she will say she’s sorry, but will do it in a way that I will not be able to see it the way I did with the ones I provided evidence.
Pls what should I do now, I really need your help. Since this can lead to adultery and broking home, and I don’t want my children to go through what I went through, how do I stop this from happening?
I direly need your suggestions.