It’s too much, I just want to scream out my pains. I just wanted a shoulder to cry on. I just needed someone who can help me but unfortunately nobody can and nobody cares. I’m dying emotionally. I’m tired of soaking my bed with tears every night. Keep on praying because that’s all have. I’m alone. God is just quiet. Is life going to be easy someday or should i believe it going to be worst everyday. I just don’t know what’s my faith now. My father is a good Christian and have a strong relationship with God but life showed him hell and nothing gets better. I watch my parents get insulted by people and I bleed when I remember how stupid I was.
My parents tried all they could to give me a better life. We had nothing and-we struggled to eat. We survived with tasteless food with a roof that leaks water when it rains. After my secondary school in 2017, there was no money to forward my education. I have to learn handwork and someone who came to marry me from USA, my dad’s old friend took my virginity and paid me 30k and insulted my father because of what people told him and how poor we are. He said he can’t continue with the marriage that I’m not educated.
Innocent me, I didn’t offend anyone .I was wondering what went wrong. I saw my dad’s tears and the pain he was going through but I couldn’t help my family.
I started dating this guy 2019. From friends to lovers I lost myself because of love. This guy never treated me right but was pretending to love me. I really don’t know much about relationship . This is 3 years of tolerating, hoping and believing that I could b treated right in relationship and I forgot I have a future, dreams and goals to achieve to make my family proud. I forgot where I was coming from.
2021, I managed to enter polytechnic this is my ND 2 , science Lab TEC. Through my handwork I could pay my bills in school and little my father have..I’m hairstyles in owerri. I was stubborn and disobedience was my lifestyle. I was so desperate for love and to have a good relationship because the stupid me thought that was a life. Now I’m 21 years old and I’m pregnant. My family can’t even pay their own bills. My father was disappointed and I was heartbroken. My mom was heart broken because her first daughter out 5 kids and this is how i decide to destroy my future.
They said I can’t stay home so I should go to the guy who got me pregnant. I understand. I felt ashamed, this guy can’t even take care of me so how much more his pregnancy. He is rude, arrogant, hot tempered, cultist lifestyle, has no job, not taking his education serious, drug addict, l and spends spend alot. I just don’t know his future plans in life. He can’t even feed his self. He is the type you can’t have a conversation with without having a fight or argument. Treating me like trash, like I don’t even matter and give’s me attitude. I’m staying with his family, his mother is the one taking care of me and she’s not happy about my pregnancy. i can sometimes tell from her attitude and tonation.
She asked his son why did I not abort the baby. I’m not happy and my education is pending. I can’t go to work because nobody is providing my needs. I’m not comfortable with his family but this guy is making me regret everything and I wish this never happened. I just don’t know what will be my fate after giving birth. The shame is too much. My friends are making fun of me. Life has made me so quiet. I can’t say a word and my heart’s so heavy. I just wished I focused on my self. Now I have no standard. My baby papa is someone that I can’t get married too and his mother also said his still young and jobless.
I’m so unlucky. I’m going through hell. Living in regret every blessed day. I pray that God should give me a second chance to have a better life. This time I’m not going to be stupid, I will definitely change my wrong behavior. Especially make my daddy proud and my beautiful mom also. I will listen to their advice. Men will never be my interest anymore tho I know it’s hard. God should answer My prayers but right now going I’m through hell. I’m broken physically, mentally and emotionally destroyed.