My heart is hurting.
I have not been able to sleep since yesterday. I have been in a relationship with a prophet for the past 6 years.
It has been a roller coaster. Always issues and argument. We were supposed to marry in September, he just broke up with me yesterday that we don’t flow, he claims we don’t flow yet he has told me alot of things he doesn’t tell anyone. I have always been careful with relationships and always guarded my heart.
I was a 26 years virgin when he met me.
He always included me in his future and seem like he loved me. At 28, I had sex with him after pressure from him. I’m turning 32 by the end of the month and this is the shame I’m going through, after starting counseling in church and going all the way to see my pastor and setting the date, this happens. He says i’m a good person but we don’t flow, I’m an introvert and it feels like he’s trying to make me something i’m not.
For the past six years, everytime we have an issue, he will call for breakup and then come and plead each time. Until last year, there was a separation for four months, as hard as it was for me, I wanted to move on until God dealt with us both and brought as back together (there’s a genuine reason i’m saying this). I told God I didn’t want to engage in sex because the guy wanted to continue having sex again. But the dream I had was God telling me i’m opinionated.
This is because I was adamant about engaging in sex again to protect my heart. So I felt like i’m arguing too much, since we already had sex before. Everytime I hear a sermon and I choose not to continue again with sex, he would convince me that i’m his wife and i’m the will of God for him that’s why , else he wouldn’t be having sex with me either. A lot has happened actually. I had doubts, asked God questions, and for some I received answers.
I’m just wondering if this was never going to work out, why did we even meet? Because from all indications, our meeting was a divine connection even bringing as back after the separation.
Knowing that if we broke up after that, that would have been more painful than the previous. I’m so hurt in pain. Haven’t been able to sleep for more than 2 hours 30 minutes since yesterday. I’m 32 , I know there are challenges in life, I have been through some, at work, but this relationship has really drained me emotionally and mentally.
My heart hurts and i’m in pain.My brain is drained from so much thinking. My eyes are worn out from so much crying. I’m not a teenager i’m a full grown woman and I never expressed my feelings because I don’t trust people to keep discussions I had with them to themselves. But I have been very vulnerable with my mother this time around. I told her what happened and cried throughout the conversation.
Please advice me